The trouble with me is that I fight CFS. We're always talking about
fighting and battling illnesses, particularly cancer, because we want to come out on top.
But with this one, the more you deny 'it' what it wants, the more it eats you up. The harder you fight, the longer the battle will be. In the first year or two, I fought it passionately by going to university despite the pain. But it won, of course. Now, I fight it on the home front.
It says, “Ok, I know it’s only mid morning, but you are off to sleepy land now.”
I refuse, keep doing what I am doing, eat something, drink something, beg it to give me a break and let me stay awake. I even whip out the tears, as a last resort. But it wins, and soon I am nodding off to sleep with my quilt, at 10.30 am.
But with this one, the more you deny 'it' what it wants, the more it eats you up. The harder you fight, the longer the battle will be. In the first year or two, I fought it passionately by going to university despite the pain. But it won, of course. Now, I fight it on the home front.
It says, “Ok, I know it’s only mid morning, but you are off to sleepy land now.”
I refuse, keep doing what I am doing, eat something, drink something, beg it to give me a break and let me stay awake. I even whip out the tears, as a last resort. But it wins, and soon I am nodding off to sleep with my quilt, at 10.30 am.
The other perspective I could take is that ‘it’s’ not so
much my enemy but a faithful spy who knows the inner workings of my body. When
it commands a rest, it’s doing so because this is what I need to someday regain
my health. I want to push it away and annihilate it for stopping me from
doing so many things that my heart loves. But perhaps it’s not my enemy after
all, perhaps if I fought less we could get along, become a team and make some
more progress?
After writing this, I found this - I am still deciding.
“Discovery consists not in seeking new lands but in seeing
with new eyes.”
Marcel Proust
“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.”
George Orwell
“Hope itself is like a star - not to be seen in the sunshine
of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.”
Charles H. Spurgeon
I completely agree! I often think of when people talk about "fighting illness" and think that perhaps we shouldn't be fighting. Perhaps we should we working with our bodies. Try to find some harmony and listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us.
ReplyDeleteWow, you put that so well. Thankyou! I think you are right, I think we see things a bit upside down sometimes.
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